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My Optic

Because of you

Who would of thought within 4 months, he changed my life forever.

 

Not the country, but you. Yes the culture shock was a bit to adapt to. But the biggest challenge was you. Understanding you, being with you, loving you. and I enjoyed every moment of it.

The challenge like a breathe of fresh air. You were so different and yes I have to admit I was scared because I didn’t think I was enough. Till this day I always wonder what if? But I can write and dream about that forever.

I just want you to know that today, basically a year ago from when we met I think of you. And even though we don’t speak, I’d like to say you’re on my mind all the time.

Not in that way, but you know how you affected me. How I think, what I do, what I wear. How I see and treat people. What to expect from others.

I just wish I could read you this and let you know, but I’m still waiting for you to respond to our 2 week old conversation.. .  not that you left me on read, but the message is sitting there and it says delivered. .  so now what?

I guess I’ll just wait 5 months, untill I’m back in you’re country, who knows maybe i’ll read this.

I just thought you wanted to know, you changed my everything. I can never go back, you introduced me to world I never knew before.. . and I love it.

I love me

 

I just wanted to say thanks and I’m sorry.

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Dear 30 year old self

I hope you remember this moment, where you were 22 years young. Juggling the life of a full time job and grad school and everything in between.

Currently you just finished up the group project that you did the day before, but still got an A… but you did sacrifice going to home coming.

Also remember how you loved your job. Learning the ins and outs of HR.

But one thing or maybe even a few things that bothered you was whats next? Am i doing the right things, is this what I want. At this moment I’m proud to say I’m still confident i the choices I make. Even though I prefer to travel the world than go to grad school, but hey we’re just gonna hope it all works out.

You also are struggling with a social life because when you are free, you just want to breathe and take in the world around you.. by yourself. Remember that time when guys impacted your life. Now you’re afraid to even open that door because you know no one will compare to him.

I hope at 30, your happy and proud of where you are. Remember to do what makes YOU happy. Actually enjoy life now, since you don’t have school to drag you down. Live everyday like its friday, sleep when your dead… just like study abroad haha

love

self

 

At that phase in life

Somewhere between replaying moments I wish I didn’t regret

and dying to know whats to come. Trying to figure out whats next, whats me

Solo Road

When I realize those who I thought were friends are the last person in my corner.

Everyday I’m fed negative comments and defeating statements. Why are you trying to put me down? Why what I do is not good enough in your eyes? Question my life, my moves, and my choices. Constantly comparing our lives, yet you dominate every time. I don’t understand, I though we were friends? Peers? But I realize once you got to know me, you felt a need to be better than me.

I was always humble, and I never boasted so why? Why do they question me? Why am I judge? All I am trying to do is become better. Advance myself and do whats best. Just like you. . .

Why does it matter whose ahead or what steps they used to get there. Were all in the game?

 

 

Maybe one day I’ll make a genuine friend in my post grad life. One day someone will stop judging me. A relationship where jealousy has no home because support and love over come.

The more I wait for you

The less of me is left

 

I deteriorate away

Welcome to the Real World

Sometime I wish I had energy for my life, doing things that make me happy. That help me grow into the person I want to become.
Instead I find myself exhausted becaused of time & energy wasted on the responsibilties on my reality.

I wish you would say

5am ish somewhere 

I honestly don’t know

It’s been such a while since I wrote & I hate it. Last semester of my senior year and I can’t wait for it to be over. I love my friends and the whole college life, but I need more.

I want to live, experience, and explore my life before it’s been taken from me. Funny how when you graduated your expected to have a job. .  guess who doesn’t have one. Don’t get me wrong I have options, but I don’t want what’s handed to me. I have a goal, I have a dream.

Yet at the same time I don’t want a 9-5 job, I don’t want to be stuck at a desk. I wanna explore the world before me. . . I know that cost money so the job will come in handy. . . but I want a fun job that will actually help me better my self.

I guess I’m trying to say as a 21 year old soon to be graduate and going to grad school in the summer is that I am now just becoming “myself”. I just wish I can take time off to dedicate to myself, explore what I love and who I want to become.

But I can’t

We need to be adults with jobs because of bills and other obligations.

 

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